Reflecting...

Today my son turned 11, which is crazy since I swear the last time I checked he was only 4. Collin is the miracle the doctors told me would never happen, I wasn't supposed to have children. But really, when have I ever done what I was supposed to? Certainly not this time, I took that news and put it right where it belonged...the garbage. I remember being 23 years old and the doctor telling me these exact words, "Having children just isn't a possibility for you." WTF? This was a general physician, how on Earth could she say something like that? She might as well have told me I had 6 months to live because in that moment something died inside of me. Then I got angry and in the next moment, I began to fight and looking back I realize that is the day my maternal instincts kicked in. I knew the doctor was wrong, and I was mad that she would so casually make such a profound diagnosis. Over the years I have thought about looking her up and bringing my two children to see her. My living, breathing proof that she should find a new career.

I eventually found a new doctor and he was nothing short of amazing. After three years of treatments, surgeries and a the worst part for me, waiting, I made an appointment and told the nurse "I think I'm pregnant". I'll never forget Dr. Heller walking into the exam room with a huge smile on his face and the words "Congratulations, Mom." The day Collin was born, I felt like I was too. I couldn't help but think, if I could do this I can do anything. When he was 3 months old I enrolled in Aesthetic school, he gave me the courage to realize another one of my dreams. Collin has brought us so much joy and laughter it's hard to pick just one memory that stands out above the rest but I do remember when he was about 9 months old and we were sitting on the floor playing with some toys. He was giggling about something and lifted his arms up to me and I was struck with such overwhelming love in that moment. I remember telling Marc, "I want this baby, I want him like this forever. I don't want him to grow up I will miss this baby." Well, today that baby is 11 years old and there are still times when he is laughing that I can still see that baby and I get the overwhelming urge to hold him in my arms and snuggle. The best part? He lets me. Happy Birthday, Collin. You complete our family and our family loves you completely.